Addiction

I’m addicted.

Not to drugs.

Not to alcohol.

Not to sex.

But to the men (it’s men now that we are 20) that are unhealthy for me. The worst thing is I know how bad it is for me to like them and to keep in contact once I’ve already tried to cut it. But I seriously can not help it. I have little will power and control over what my heart wants to do – a friend of mine just posted on rationality in relationships (http://mynamesra.wordpress.com/2011/03/15/rationality-and-relationships/), I think maybe I’m the opposite, leaning more towards non rationality and emotionality – and so I end up going back, again and again.

By this stage in my life you’d think I would have learnt my lesson: Better to be hurt briefly and fairly painlessly now than suffer ten times more later on down the track.

Yes my head knows this lesson off by heart now. And my heart likes to pretend it’s never seen it before.

I continue to try and break off the friendship so I can’t get hurt but I’m starting to think maybe subconsciously I like either the game or the pain.

I’m not asking for help. I believe entirely I’m beyond that point (plus I’m too stubborn to listen to anyone but myself), just trying to share with you, make someone else feel like they aren’t the only one like this, and help you understand why my romantic life is such a shambles.

Love, Caity. ( I really love you all, readers)

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