Boys, boys, boys.

Boys: It has come to my attention that you also require my help in the fashion stakes. I know what you’re going to say as soon as you start reading this; “Oh but I don’t even care what I look like, fashion is for girls, gays and those freaky ‘metro men”. Yes fashion is for them, yes metro men are a little strange sometimes, but YES fashion is for you too. What you wear is part of the impression you leave on people. Especially girls, I figure this (sex) is a foolproof way of getting you all to look flash.

A few tips on dressing yourselves:

Layering is good, just do it properly please. DO NOT wear shirts underneath tee-shirts. This looks terrible. Shirts look nice under vests and v-neck woollen jerseys. Tee-shirts look good under a shirt, just not the other way around. If you doubt this, don’t hesitate to contact me and be proved wrong.

Sporty outfits are fine if you’re a sports and leisure student, and your day involves actually doing sport and exercise. If it doesn’t: singlet’s, rugby shorts, soccer shorts and track pants just make you look like you were lazy and pulled on whatever was on the floor. By the way, girls don’t really like this.

If you are skinny enough to not fit into men’s jeans of any kind please do not trot down to Jay Jays and purchase the smallest pair of girl’s jeans you can fit into. It makes you look silly and girls become self conscious around you, purely because of the fact you are emphasising how much skinnier you are than them. I am also 99% sure that if you stopped wanting your jeans tight around the crotch region you would fit the smallest size in men’s jeans. P.S girls don’t really like tight pants on boys.

Cardigans and other hipster items of clothing. Fellas, if you’re going to wear a cardigan, make sure it isn’t oversized or made for girls. This makes you look like a hipster. Some facts about hipsters:

  1. Not many people like hipsters.
  2. Many people like to make fun of hipsters.
  3. Dressing like a hipster makes you look like you tried way too hard when you got dressed.

A couple more pointers: Wash your clothes in a machine; spraying them with lynx is not washing them. Replace items with holes in them.

Follow these rules and the girls will be climbing all over you!


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