Dear Share Bear and Love-a-lot bear,
I am a nice person. So why is it that I find it hard to maintain friendships. I’m not friends with anyone I went to high school with anymore. I’m not even friends with people from over a year ago. I feel as though people always use me when they are down and then kick me to the curb when their life improves. How do I go about finding friends who care? Or learn when to move on from a friendship where I am the one who does all of the work?
Person who has ‘friends’ but hardly any Friends.
I wouldn’t worry too much about people from high school; I know heaps of people that aren’t still friends with their high school mates. Friendships change and develop a lot when we’re young, mainly because we change and develop a lot at this stage in life!
As for people using you… Why don’t you set yourself some ‘friend rules’ as for what’s OK for people to ask of you and what’s not. You can only get respect from other people when you’re respecting yourself. If there are some friendships you wish to salvage, try talking to these people, tell them what’s been bothering you and see if you can work it out together?
Otherwise keep making new friends (grab a coffee or lunch with someone from uni after class) and you will get there, I promise. Sometimes it just takes a little while to find the people that we ‘click’ with.
-Love a lot Bear xx
I think what Love a lot bear has suggested are perfect ways to combat how you are feeling.
Set goals and rules when it comes to your friendships. One rule might be something along the lines of; if a friend keeps rescheduling any plans you have made, maybe it’s time to have a talk to them about why this keeps happening, or to start looking at spending time with other friends.
Friendships should be easy not difficult, they should be reciprocated; you shouldn’t be the only one making all of the effort and if it comes to this then you need to look at the people who you are spending time with.
New friendships can be easily forged if you know where to look. Social sports, university groups, through other friends and acquaintances are all ways to meet new people. Make sure you keep yourself open and don’t be afraid to make new friends. I know it can be scary at times, but sometimes you can come across that person that changes your life.
– Share Bear ♥