This is not fun :(. Probably because yesterdays (that I did today) post was supposed to be positive, and it wasn’t really.
1. Scared of being dead. Not the actual dying. Unless you die in a really awful manner, I’m sure it’s not that painful and might be quite fast. I’m more concerned with the actual ceasing to exist part. Trying to imagine it sends my brain into a spin. n.b. I have discussed this in length with Mum and we think it’s similar to having anaesthetic before surgery.
2. Scared of being alone forever/unlovable. Let me just point out that I’m quite happy to hang out solo. I enjoy my own company. It’s very restful. But I sometimes worry that I will actually be alone forever and the reason things keep not working out is because I’m unlovable (too weird). n.b. Mum says I am a highly irrational and emotional person, this is what I try to remember when I get scared here. Also why I am not picked first to help when putting up tents (on family holidays).
brb off to have a panic attack.