The OKCupid Experience

So I briefly discussed relationships and dating the other week, here. But now I will delve further into the subject!

I signed up for well known dating site – OKCupid a couple of weeks ago. I was mostly bored out of my mind one weekend; as all my friends were out of town, and single life had been turning out the same way as when I was at uni. You get drunk, you go out, you meet someone you can’t even see clearly, and hook up. The guys I had been meeting were still students/in a different phase of life than I was/from a different city/not really that awesome but convenient/party boys.

Non fulfilling. I figured hey, I obviously cannot be trusted to pick anyone decent for myself, so surely the internet cannot do any worse.

Obviously.
Obviously.

Basically you answer a bunch of questions, try not to write too pretentious of a profile, upload your best photos (instagram filters optional); the site does some fancy math thing and spits out your best matches. Seems legit.

So far I have been on three different dates. One tres fab, one fine/slightly weird/awkward, and one that was just no. I (stupidly?) told tres fab my domain name so no discussion of that here.

The thing I like the most (aside from really hitting it off with someone, which is awesome) is that you’re forced to put yourself out there, outside of your comfort zone and make conversation with someone in the cold harsh light of day. It is good for you/where the magic happens/etc.

That is where it happens.
Right there.

You don’t even have to want to date a person, you can literally sign up to meet friends. I’m not sure how well this works as I mostly signed up to meet someone of the opposite sex (ha) but my friends who have just moved overseas to completely new cities; I encourage you to give it a go and then report back to me with results.

The other thing I like, no – love, the most, is the messages you get. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m a female (I’ve only sent a message to one boy. Am quite picky), and girls get more messages (currently 78) than guys do but some of these provide serious comedic value. I laugh because it’s not like I’ll ever have to meet them, so I can just anonymously shame them online. Read on and enjoy…

n.b. I wrote some smartass comment under the ‘You should message me if’ section about being under 20% enemies. So 80% of the opening lines were about that. Go figure.

The Weird

“Hey whats your name?, mines pretty obvious .. no jokes ok i should probably stop typing that was lame and you cant even get sarcasm over text lol, why am i still typing stop typing your just going to sound like a dick now omg stop already. I have problems”

“I’m not tryin to impress you but im batman”

One got drunk and sent me “I looooooove you xoxoxoxoxox” several times.

“Hey. Liked your list of tv series. Hope they aren’t in order though. Suits is definitely better the modern family.”

“Working in menswear advertising you must get tired of looking at male models all day. Could be worse, could be looking at photos of females all day and as we both know, girls have cooties.”

“hello there pretty lady 😛 how are you :)”

“hi”

“We’re 18% enemy, phew! Just under the limit 😛 
Drugs: Sometimes ? lol. Oooooh reaaally haha.”

“I cant remember if I messaged you…”

“19% enemys. that means i can message you right?” – Sweetie, if you have to ask then, no.

“Hi uhm can I b ur fren.?”

“miss 
i just bought oreos for 50 cents. (highly nutritious) 
be jealous. 
that is all for now. 
ps. hello 
pps. thrash metal? say yes. frank sinatra works too”– I’ll admit, I am a little jealous of the oreos. 

The Life Stories

“Hey there, Am Dave! 
Looking at your profile in general made me realize.. this Lady isn’t some random woman one typically finds here.. she is one with much more charm.. elegance and fines.. some one who is self motivated and quite intelligent for your age. the least i can do is try my best to introduce myself.. hoping i get a chance to interact with her more.. and get a chance to know her better!! Now i know.. i miss the enemy mark by 1%.. but well i can try to counteract that.. so well here is my attempt!! 
I ain’t one of those typical creepy one’s who in their very first message to you would ask you to marry them or things they would like to do to you when you meet for a date!! 
Well i joined this website.. actually to be able to find some good friends with a broader set of mind.. open to talk and in the process to explore and learn a thing or two about my ownself, and if nothing else be able to cherish a friendship. I write the Culinary section of a Travel Magazine.. sounds fancy.. but trust me it isn’t!! 
I am here to find people with a good head on their shoulder.. someone who is self motivated and honest and be able to interact with them! 
As mentioned on my profile! i am straight forward.. honest and unfortunately a person without a filter between my head and my mouth.. i some how fail to be able to speak politically correctly.(not sure if the grammar came out right here). 
i am keen on being friends.. be able to converse with them.. and let see how things go.. 
Well, reading more about you, I really admire the way you think, and i mean it, its not something i say often! 
All in all.. i am a simple bloke.. looking for smart people to be friends with.. and if you are keen to be one.. id be glad.. if you replied! i just really wanna get to know you better..!! and id appreciate a chance to that!! And in return i would love to be able to keep you stimulated intellectually. And if i crossed a line in anyway, i apologize 
Hoping to hear from you soon! 
Regard!!”

“Hey hi…let me begin by saying that i am almost 40% enemies with you according to the site but i am sure we can get along pretty well if we actually get to know eachother and also that you have a very beautiful smile.. :)…..as for me….i m originally from india…living here fr 6 years…biotech scientist….(geeky sometimes…fun all the times)…….love music n travelling….both combine very well..also i love adventure sports like parasailing n skydiving n water rafting…i also like simple things in life like sitting out in the sun with a good book n a cold drink..or hanging out with friends over a home cooked meal and having a great laugh…i love cooking too…something u tend to get good at when u r away from home..i m really looking to get to know some people…so if you like the message…n like wat you read n see on the profile….n wanna tee up fr coffee…or just chat….reply back…take care”

The Holy Shit Did You Just Write Thats

“Hi how are ya? I’m new to this site, but not the scene. I’ve been out of NZ for 13 years traveling, and had some very very fun and crazy experiences. I’m into all things kink, fetish, hardcore and taboo, but at the same time respect limits and am not pushy with it. 
I’m 33, tall, athletic, tatts, and genuine. Discretion assured and expected. Fancy a chat? 
X”

“im not your average, muscle bound meat head dominating male, im animalistic, an alpha male, i dont act dominant because society and testosterone tells me to, i revel in the fight for control, i love sex thats overflowing with passion and intensity where there is a constant struggle for power from both sides, each doing everything they can to make the other surrender themselves, being submissive doesnt do it for me, being dominant is what i instinctually know, but that struggle, that fight between two lovers for absolute control is what gets me going”

“Alls fair in love and war, I think I can overcum 31% enemy. Bit of passionate love making perhaps? Not interested?”

“If u dnt mind being buddy wid an INDIAN guy , thn fr sure we can meet n hve a coffee while walkin around d city”

“hey dear what u up to??are you keen to go muriwai??we can have some surf drinks then come back end of the day. : )”Or you can murder me and bury me on the beach.

One dude had even read my blog before, which is slightly concerning?

Anyway, I recommend signing up if:

1. You’re not meeting any new people you think you’d like to see naked. It can be tough after uni, you spend your whole day at work with the same people. And I know I don’t want to see any of you naked.

2. Or if you want to make some new friends in a new city. Can someone please try this and get back to me?

3. You’re extremely good at sifting through the weird messages to find the good.

Le Rating

So far I would rate it 5/5 for the fancy math match thing, 4/5 for comedic value, and 2.5/5 for the ego boost.

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7 thoughts on “The OKCupid Experience

  1. HAHA so many good stories in here! I do not have the balls to do anything like this. Heard a very funny story about Tindr (spelling?!): a friend signed up as a joke and ended up having a one night stand with a hot fireman? The internet is so friggin weird.

    Anna

    1. Hot fireman! Success! Haha internet is straight up weird. You totally should sign up to something when you jet off overseas though, and then blog about it. Yes. Okay. Do it. 😉

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